Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts


Urgh! What Is It?

The last few weeks the weather has been absolutely terrible. All it has done is rain.

But none of the days has been as cheerful as the pictures above. Making my mood miserable and depressive. It has made it almost impossible for me to go out. Although  I can walk around the house, long distance is a no-no. Meaning that I am stuck in the house, However, I have been able to organise some of the things for the move. 
Normally the weather lets the river be like this looking beautiful but recently the river has burst its banks.

So I have been feeling low and stuck and trapped. Which has triggered a bout of depression? But knowing that spring is just around the corner and fighting winter as in the poem "The Fight of The Year" by Roger Mcgough? Which has been blogged by #MrsLaneEnglish on her blog MrsLaneEnglish-Poetry Friday

That poem is always a delight for me as I consider January, February and March as the fight between winter and spring and I can't wait for spring to arrive.

So I am so excited because I know that it is going to be a complete change when we move. I can't wait for the future and what it holds. Because I know that it is going to be positive soon. The want of time to be rushed is really strong yet I know that it will when it is ready. It is like the saying "Best things come to those who wait". So I patiently wait with little pangs of anxiousness to know when the next step towards the bright and positive future.

Love and Peace


Winter blues

Most people go through some kind of depression which can be triggered by stress of any sort including trauma. 

Some get low because they don't have enough vitamin D. Which develops in to S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder to give its full name. 

Vitamin D is normally processed the skin and its access to sunlight, which is deminished in the winter months. Because the sun is much lower in the sky.

Which is why people are so much happier in the summer.

One of the common ways to combat this is to boost your vitamin D intake from September to March. This can be done through taking vitamin supplements.

I take Vitamin D  
However for a long while I didn't so my own low moods had been lingering longer than I wanted. Even though spending only ten minutes outside helps boost the amount of vitamin D, I unfortunately have not been able to. 

So with the house situation and my other conditions I have let my blog slip. Which is not what I wanted but a the house situation is being resolved I will be able to concentrate on it more. So reviews and much more will be forthcoming. 

So please bare with me at the moment and I will be posting as and when I can. 

Love and Peace 


On The Way

It is a Tuesday afternoon and the weather is grey. One similar to the ones in books that talk of a chilly autumn day like in the picture below.

Photo by Zachary Shakked on Unsplash

And unusually for me, I am feeling good. Not super happy but good. It is beginning to be autumn which although beautiful like the one below when the day starts chilly but it is warm then goes colder again during the day.

Normally even in these early days, I start counting the days to when it is the 21st of December. 
But at the moment things are good. 

There are lots of things that went on during summer that were very stressful for me but these are resolved for now. So I am really positive about the future and am slowly planning ahead and it is looking bright.

There will be a new post about planning and its help in dealing with stress in the near future but for now, I will sign off as usual.

Love and Peace.


The struggle continues

Last night was the lowest I had been in a long time. I was so low I literally broke down and cried. I had been struggling with everything. So I decided that I have to do things to help me get out of the low mood.

The first thing I did was to start back at the gym. My favourite thing to do is dance. I may not be able to do much because of my disability. But went to my first "Les Mills Bodyjam" and I loved it.

It was the first time in a very long time that I actually felt a little better and decided to post about it.

There is so much going that it's been really stressful. The worst thing is something I cant talk about until the thing has been resolved.

More coming soon.

Love & Peace 



Depression hits again

So life has been a monumental challenge this week I have been having good days then bad days  and some have been a mix of both. Those days have been the worse. I'm trying to push through doing things but I'm feeling like sleeping all the time but unable to.
I'm really struggling to pull myself up at the moment it's not good.
I will do my best but I'm not going push so hard that I get worse. 


My days when spiralling

I thought spiralling emotionally and the feeling of sinking in the spiral would be a point that people would find relevant especially after Depression Stinks 

When those days start coming I have noticed just recently. Since coming out of a spiral through crying and releasing the tension that these days are actually a warning midway through my cycle.

I don't mean like a day or two before but literally two weeks before if not more than that.

I know that every one is different. I have cerebral palsy and endometriosis which both contribute. 

But have you noticed those days when you either are angry really or in a bad place because of your own hormonal balance?

It's been said that these are, pmt (premenstrual tension) moods and hormonally related. Do you find this?

Personally I think that it's just part of the problem. Sometimes it's a situation that you are having to deal with on a long term basis.

It could be a financial issue or something like that as well as the emotional side of things that you are dealing with day to day and the pressure of what's going on doesn't have a pressure valve like some.

The valve I'm talking about is the ability to put it out of your mind and carry on with other things without stressing about them.

With me it could be something completely mundane that needs doing that I can't do which turns my mood into frustration then guilt and depression because I can't do it.

Do you have something like that? 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this and what you do to release the tension!

Love & Peace



Depression Stinks

Today I am writing because I am slowly getting better. I am still having days where I am feeling low and can't do much not even think about what's for dinner let alone what to write in a post like today. I hate not posing but when I'm not well there's nothing I can think of to say.

Do you ever feel like that?

Its a horrible feeling thinking that you are not worth anything to the people around you, even though you know in your heart of hearts that you are worth everything to them.

The thing I do in these situations is sleep as much as possible. Sometimes when I can't do that because of whatever is going on I try to listen to some music or read a book.

It is ok to feel that way though because no one is perfect and can do everything no matter what they think.

If everyone was perfect, life would be boring and none descript. Meaning everyone would be the same.

Do you have a safe zone where you can go to heal? 

My favourite place is my bed where I can hide and recharge by sleeping or reading. If on the other hand, I have to be semi-available I have a shower and do a few minutes meditation just to try clear my head.

Where's your favourite place?

Don't keep things under wraps speak to someone about your feelings and what is happening because you are worth it and so much more.

Love and Peace


Depression hitting again

I have been quiet because of depression coming back again. It's always waiting in the background waiting to come back. And it has. I have been trying to heal so hadn't posted for a few weeks. I'm slowly getting better so I'm writing again. I'm not sure I'll write regularly as I hope to. I will try my best to keep in touch.

Love and Peace


Having a low day

When having a low day I try to push through if I can. It's not always easy, however I try. Thursday was one of the those days.

Its really difficult trying to push through because there's so much doing. Running a home with cerebral palsy as a distraction is no fun. 

Learning to let go of the things that I can't take control of is one of the hardest things as I realise that my body is slowly getting worn out.

You may say that every one wears out while living which is normal. Yes that is the case. 

However cerebral palsy makes the amount of energy that is used even for the smallest of tasks ten times as much. So this means that the body is properly ten years older inside than the body you see.

I get frustrated with the problems because I find things harder to do the older I get.

I have mentioned this before in previous posts such as Playing in the Snow and Changes that make me about cerebral palsy and its affects on me. I don't try to let it get me yet sometimes it really does. 

So if you are having a low day it's OK. Listen to your body and rest as much as possible because it's trying to tell you that you need a bit of you time. 

Love and Peace 



Thats a Wrap

For the last four years I have been trying mlm (multi level marketing), and found that it is not my thing. I know that it does work for some people and I admire those who are doing fantastically in the business. However it is not a match for me.

I love writing and trying new things in the makeup and fashion industry as a disabled mum. 

So I will be going back to what I know and love the most. While dealing with life as a disabled person going through moods of depression and anxiety.
Love and Peace


New year thoughts

The new year is a great time for new beginnings but it doesn't matter what day you are reading this post because life is too short to dwell on the past as even yesterday is. Today and tomorrow are forward. Even the words convey this with their beginnings with the phrase to/day and to/morrow.

I know its hard even if I am feeling like I am struggling from feeling low I decide to take the time for sleep. I will even just sleep for an hour or two just to get my body and brain to get rid of the sensation of feeling low and feel refreshed. So I am able to look at at the problem with a clearer head. This is my way of escaping the stresses of the moment.

What is your technique?

Do you have one?

Do you use it often?

I would love to know what you think about having a technique to help you in your low times?

Love and Peace


Happy what does it mean? The beginning to the New Year

Happy New Year everyone

As you may have noticed that I suffer from clinical depression so with the help of medication I am able to manage it on the whole. And rather than hide the problem I have decided to call the topic out.

I do like to try and see what I can do to help myself as much as I can. As Depression is a topic that is not really spoken about very much and there is not much said about it particularly regarding disabled people.

Over this year I will be posting about my feelings in separate posts.

I am an avid reader and have chosen to read 150 books in the #GoodReads Challenge for the year and I started looking for books about happiness to start with and normally I wouldn't pick a celebrity person's thoughts on this topic but I noticed that Fearne Cotton's, of Radio One and Top of the Pops fame, book called Happy: Finding joy in every day and letting go of perfect . 

It is an absolute blast of fresh air on the topic. Being a mum and step mum Fearne tells it as it is despite being a celebrity and how she deals with the overwhelming sense of low foreboding when it starts to appear. She has a complete set of tips and tricks
of how to deal with things. The picture is just one of them. I am very glad I found this book she has perceptibly told how she deals with such a busy life. You think it might be nannies and au pairs but it's not.  

So through stories from #TomFletcher of Mcfly, and #CraigDavid and others as well as her own she gives advice none of which is mumbo-jumbo like some. 

Over the next month or two, I will see if I have had to use the skills I have learnt by reading the book and give another review. Right now though I give this book 

3.5 out of 5

Love and Peace.


1000 Posts Omg

This is my 1001 post and I didn't even know that I had got to such a big number of posts. I am completely surprised and extremely grateful for all those who have been reading my blog over the last few years. There will be more happening as I have had such a blast even though I have had some quiet periods because of my disability or because of my mental health.

Mental health is something that should never be taken for granted as it can change at any moment.  I have suffered from poor mental health from an early age. Although I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 and for me, there are so many triggers that sometimes it can incredibly difficult to do anything. I have the most amazing support in the form of my hubby and kids. For them, I am eternally grateful and always will be.

Having cerebral palsy has many challenges that are not all obvious because it covers so many aspects of life not, just the physical.
I have ataxia, spastic and dyapligic cerebral palsy which means that it is all over my body in a zigzag pattern.  At the same time, it causes spasms in muscles whilst also making the tone of them over tight. So as I get older the pain causes more anger and depression because it forces my body to not be able to do things that I had been able to do even a month before. Even the weather causes changes which means that even if it is hot or cold I may be able to or not do things.

So with all those challenges, my attitude does change from hour to hour and I can be a real pain to be with when I feel to be at the lowest I can be.

Back in January, I changed the company I was working with and a lot has changed.
First of all, I got my first promotion and then for three months I kept the level of promotion then today I got the second promotion I had wanted and I am extremely grateful for all those who helped me get to the stage where I am now.

I have already have blogged about the company and what it does. I am planning more blogs and hope to do them more regularly along with videos on my youtube channel.

I do have a question for you all!

What should I blog about?

Love and Peace


Working from home

I love days like the last few as I have been doing loads of personal growth. The kids are home and are at an age where they can do their own thing but still need me. Things are taking their time but that's ok I have been dealing with a very bad bout of depression. My cerebral palsy has changed me again making me feel that I am losing my independence bit by bit but I am fighting back. I am learn to do things a different way and learning to accept a bit of help.

Paths are never straightforward but I am beginning to do more with what I have got. Yes "The Secret" by  Rhonda Byrne has helped me but there is many other facets that have. Sir Richard Branson's book "Screw It Let's do it" has given me hope that grabbing whatever comes along and taking every chance I can to get what I want. Because I know I need to be able to do things.

So posting where I am working from and being able to be grateful for what I have and show it is a way to be positive for what I do have.


Questions A Book of Poems


Questions was the first book I wrote and self published back in September/October 2015. I was encouraged by a fellow self published author #Shannon Perry who said that I could do what I had always dreamed of doing. And that #Amozon or #Lulu could help me make the dream a reality. As a busy mum with Cerebral Palsy I have limited time to write and decided to write a small book of poems about my thoughts on life.
These include depression, being a mum, cerebral palsy, racial equality and feelings in general.

I looked into using #Lulu self publishing company however I struggled going through the process so used #Amazon and used their process which I found easy to use so have stuck with that program to follow my dream to be an author. Below is a link to my book on Amazon.

Questions By Lizzie Hare


This is a good book

I think you might like this book – "Depression is a Liar" by Danny Baker. Start reading it for free:


A Good Day Today

Today has been a positive day and I am grateful for my friend who came to visit and now I can plan things a bit. I had forgotten that I can do things on my phone for a while rather than just sitting at the laptop and writing. I am at a good place now and although I have a few days where I feel down things are getting better, my life has more of a purpose and I am looking forward to the future. I am very lucky to have my friends as many walked away when I left school and did further education. Some of these friends are relatively new and I am extremely grateful to have them.


A Review of Poems from a Writers Soul

This is one of the latest books written by Shannon Perry, a young person who has a wise head on her shoulders. She talks about different types of depression that are riddled with taboo and shakes them out for everyone to see. It is a book not to be put down until finished. I totally love it and recommend it.


Why now!

I woke this morning and felt ok but so far this day has been awful in the sense I am not worth anything.

I bought loads of things for the members of my family and found that I had miscalculated things so completely threw my feelings to do a u-turn.

I have been feeling like poo since then. This week has been a good one other than that so why now?
Yeah I know I should have waited for everything else to be sorted before being generous. This bout of depression will pass but it's not fair all I wanted to be as generous and happy but no something has got to throw a spanner in the works. I will be better but today is just the worse at the moment.

Later perhaps

Love & Peace